A Legal Document

Okay then.

Before we begin on this journey together, this adventure in blogitude, its important to lay down some ground rules so that we both know what to expect from each other. Blogs require very serious commitments from both their readers and writers. Its almost like being married, what with the investments of time, effort, and network bandwidth you'll be making in this thing. The only difference is that we don't have sex and there are no tax credits when we have a baby together. At least until Congress pulls its head out of its ass and legalizes technosexual marriage.

The point is that you want to know what you're getting into. And I totally respect that. Really, I do. And quite honestly, I'll benefit from a simple declaration of intent, an identity visioning document, a set of formal business rules, just as much as you will. It'll help keep me focused.

In in the interest of legal objectivity, I'll refer to myself in this document as "The Blogger." Let's do this.

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Article 1: Pure-Hearted Warriors is a reference to the fact that at this moment in time and this place in the world, The Blogger holds an unshakeable feeling that there is a "we." A loosely-and-closely knit group if like-minded young hearts -- searching for purpose, hope, and accomplishment. These pure and innocent souls have grand ambitions, but honest intentions. The Blogger would like to recognize that yes, this does sound incredibly pretentious, but that no, its significance is not diminished as a result.

Article 2: This blog will not be of the heart-wrenching personal experience genre, in which every sad, tiny detail of The Blogger's life is recounted and published to the world. The Blogger recognizes that there is indeed a place in the world for such publications, and affirms and supports their existence, but will instead choose to go a different route. The Blogger consciously makes this decision for the following reasons:

a) The Blogger has a relatively happy life, complete with a strong marriage, supportive family, interesting friends, and an gratifying professional career filled with many personal development opportunities.

b) The "sad diary" genre is already fairly crowded and will only grow in size as the internet gets more awesomer and more accessible.

Article 3: Instead, this blog will feature discussion on a wide range of topics including, but not limited to: teleportation, the internet, friends, traveling, post-modernity, post-post modernity, mind-altering substances, music, whether or not you can physically eat three large soup crackers in one minute without drinking water (unknown as of press time), teleportation, NBA basketball, and teleportation.

Article 4: The Blogger recognizes that writing about these topics places him in danger of sounding positively Seinfeldian (i.e. "What is the DEAL with airline food?"), but is willing to take this risk in the name of science.

Article 5: The Blogger would like to acknowledge that his thoughts on these issues may, for good reason, be of no interest to anyone besides himself. This is not only possible, but probable. The Blogger would like to express how that's no skin of his back. This blog is intended more as a way for The Blogger to have an opportunity to write a bunch of crazy shit that he thinks is interesting more than anything.

Article 6: Despite the non-personal content goal, The Blogger reserves the right to reference his personal life in this blog without fear of retribution or legal entanglements.

Article 7: The Blogger recognizes that this whole "articles of intent" exercise smacks of Dave Eggers and apologizes. The Blogger would like to acknowledge that he does not usually read fiction, and therefore has a limited literary skill set.

Article 8: The Blogger recognizes that TBS starts their shows at :05 and :35 past the hour, and hopes that you'll plan accordingly if you were planning on watching that Atlanta Braves game or rerun of Everyone Loves Raymond tomorrow night. The Blogger is only looking out for your best interest here.

The Blogger looks forward to establishing a positive, open, and honest relationship with his readers and would like to extend a warm welcome. Please accept an olive branch of peace in the form of this striking mosaic: